Defining friendship is one of the biggest tasks that one would have to do in adult life. We are living in a world where people hide things from each other. People only reach out to you if they feel they need something to inquire about from you. Is this supposed to be so? Modern-day friendship doesn’t come with deep conversations. People no longer talk! We are in an era of quick fixes. We chat, and we drop voice notes! When we call people our friends, I think we should be able to give part of ourselves to them. But that is not the case with the things we see now.
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People would tell you that one good turn doesn’t deserve another, as if everyone is self-made. Like every person is an island. Popular sayings like we owe each other no responsibility and many more. Friends roll with the good times, and we need to understand the essence of human nature, which is to associate, communicate, and be able to help each other in times of need. What is needed? It is not all about the money. If I don’t have money to give to a friend, I will give them my word. People are going through a lot, especially those that you see dressing well on and off social media.
Keeping in touch with friends and sharing your innermost feelings goes a long way. If something hits your mind, share it. If you kept in touch with friends yesterday, keep in touch with them again the next day if you have the resources to do so. Don’t have this ideology of “I was the person that called last.” Life is moving, and I’m one of those people who believes in the power of friendship.
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Many of our school friends abandoned their friends like they were going to bill them for an urgent N2,000. Some have logged out of their social media accounts. Some have removed their WhatsApp DP and changed their send receipt. That is human, and we should remember how the world turns. A friend told me that if he cannot impact him, then for what purpose should he call you, his friend? He went further by saying that if you crossed his path in life, there is no way he would neglect you when it’s time for him to help, especially if the help is in his hands.
What makes people neglect friendship or their friends is simply this idea of billing. “Oh, if I reach out to him now, he is going to tax me.” Friends these days are those who work with superstitious beliefs. You call me your friend, but you couldn’t tell me how you got a particular job. When I asked you to help me with a job, you would tell me to apply on Nigeria Got Jobs. And sometimes, if asked how they got a job offer, they would say, “Na Grace, oh.” And many of the people we call friends would travel overseas or abroad and call us after some months, saying they are in the UK without discussing this with us in Nigeria.
The smart ones would even lie to you and say that they called you, but you weren’t picking up your calls, or your number wasn’t going through then. Some would say, “Oh, they misplaced your contact then.” All these are based on superstitions. You address someone who doesn’t trust you as a friend. The belief or idea is that if they tell you their plans, maybe travelling out won’t work for them.
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So why do we refer to humans as friends? We met in the office within a few months, and we said we were friends. The fact that we are both at the same university, does not mean we are friends. Real friends look back to the old days of year 1 and/or year 2 when you guys drank kuli kuli together. The supportive efforts or your efforts. Every human has an agenda in mind.
In order not to feel disappointed about this friendship thing, I suggest you lower your expectations about it. And if possible, define the kind of friendship. Just be nice and expect nothing back in return. Because friends will betray you and call it business!
The kind of human you should refer to as a friend is someone who checks on you even when they have nothing to request. People who take your pain like theirs. People who can celebrate not just only on your birthday but also in your absence by saying good things about you. Also, watch out for people who share relevant information with you on and off the internet. A good friend should be humble enough to be there for you at your worst.
But sadly, it would be hard to see all these qualities. The best friend you would have aside from Jesus is you. Friendship starts with you. Take good advice from yourself. In the end, who you are is going to be who you attract.
Take good care, my friend.
